COMMAND DECISION
by Inflamed
Summary: A REVISED VERSION. LEE MAKES A LIFE CHANGING DECISION.


THIS STORY CONTAINS THE CHARACTER OF LT.CATHY CONNERS FROM THE FILM VERSION AND IS NOT THE SAME STORY UNIVERSE OF THE GAMMA SERIES BY LINDA DELANY AND JANE DAFFRON.  
  
  
COMMAND DECISION  
by   
Cindy Kimura  
  
  
"It's a lie," Lee Crane almost shouted as he knocked over his chair standing up to his full 6'1" frame, his hazel eyes on fire. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. His arms at his side, he was in shock.  
  
"I'm afraid not, Lee. I have it all here in the dossier. Now tell me again how you met Cathy?" Admiral Harriman Nelson explained calmly sitting relaxed at his desk, in his khaki uniform as he expressed concern. "Really, Lee. How long have you known her?" He took a long drag from his cigarette and exhaled.  
  
He adjusted his black tie on his khaki uniform and picked up the chair setting it back down in front of the Admiral's desk and sat back down. His hands in his lap, he couldn't believe what he was hearing about Cathy. He started playing with his wedding band on his ring finger. He couldn't believe, it's not true. Cathy a red agent. It's not true; his mind screamed and wishing this whole scene would disappear.  
  
"Let me see the dossier then. I know all about Cathy," as he reached over for the manila folder, his voice now calm and quiet. "Don't you trust me?" Lee smiled.  
  
"I'm afraid I can't let you see it. Not until we have everything verified. What are doing this weekend? I know we dock in Santa Barbara in two hours but it couldn't be helped. Now how did you meet Cathy again?"  
  
"You already know. It was at Pearl Harbor. I was stationed there until I became exec of the Rickover. We've been through this already. How many times do I have to tell you?" Lee's frustration bubbled over as he told the story again. "My god, Admiral. You were the one who introduced us in the first place and married us not three months ago. And now you're telling me my wife is a spy. I don't believe it."  
  
"I'm sorry, Lee. I know it's at a bad time."  
  
"Hell, yes. What am I supposed to tell her? Sorry I can't see you again not until I know you're not a red agent? My god Admiral she's my wife. We were supposed to go away for the weekend. What the hell am I going to do now?" Now suddenly it was inappropriate for him to see his wife, Cathy. He still couldn't believe it. There was no way possible in his mind that dear sweet Cathy was an agent for the People's Republic. Life was now a sad, cruel joke and he was in the middle of it.  
  
"You'll think of something, Lee," the Admiral half-smiled.   
  
  
"Skipper," Chip Morton's voice came over the intercom.  
  
"Crane," he depressed the button automatically.  
  
"Lee, I have Cathy on the intercom for you and. ."  
  
"Put it through on the private line, Chip."  
  
He saw the Admiral's face change into a totally professional look.  
  
"Hello, darling," Cathy's sweet voice said his heart melting at the sound of it.  
  
"Hello, Cathy. You . . . You caught me at a bad time," Lee said, his mouth now in a thin tight line. He tried to remain calm and unemotional.  
  
"I'm sorry darling. I just couldn't wait," her voice breathless and inviting.  
  
Silence returned her comment.  
  
"Lee, are you still there?"  
  
"Yes, I'm.. .I'm still here. I'll see you in a few hours, then, I have to go."  
  
"I love you darling."  
  
"Goodbye." Lee turned his attention back to the Admiral. " I still think your wrong and I'll prove it," he said as he walked out of the Admiral's office and slammed the door behind him.  
  
XXXXXX  
  
Cathy. Cathy. Cathy, Lee kept saying as he bent over the charts on the table and tried to remember what life was like before Cathy. The next few hours lasted a lifetime, his whole world had collapsed.  
  
"Lee? Lee?" Chip tapped him on the shoulder. "Are you okay?" His friend's blue eye's looked deep into his.  
  
Lee had known Chip since Annapolis. He was his best friend and he could say nothing. Chip was already happily married and his wife was pregnant, now he may never know that feeling. His bright blue eyes pierced him full of concern.  
  
"I'm fine, really. It's just. . . maybe I'll tell you later. Okay?" he smiled trying to end Chip's worries.  
  
"Okay, Lee,"Chip said and went back to his duties.  
  
He looked at his crew and tried to understand the situation. Seaview was a private sub, but they were doing a lot of classified work for government along with the Admiral's inventions. Highly classified. It didn't fit; no one knew he was going to be assigned to the Seaview. He had met Cathy before this assignment. Sure it was a nuke boat too, but he still hadn't possessed any state secrets before he met Cathy. Only after he was assigned to the Seaview did ONI give him an assignment. His knew his job was in a gray area, not quite government not quite private sector. Why the hell would the pick him? Lee questioned as he went over the last two years of his life and meeting Cathy.  
  
"Lee. Lee." Chip tapped him on the shoulder.  
  
"Huh?" Lee said looking up from the charts.   
  
"We're in port Lee. Santa Barbara?" Chip smiled as his blue eyes twinkled. "Home."  
  
"Sorry, Chip. Make all . ."  
  
"Already done. Just waiting for the official word."  
  
"The word is given." And Lee went back to the charts.  
  
"Lee, you are leaving aren't you? I know Cathy is waiting."  
  
Cathy. "Tell her to wait in my office. I . . I have some things to take care of."  
  
"See you in a couple of days, then. Lee?" Chip's blue eyes questioned him.   
  
"Yes, Chip. I'll see you in a few days." He replied curtly.  
  
Chip made the announcement and he heard everyone leave as he studied the charts and reports on the plotting table. Before leaving Chip handed him the roster and left him alone with the security detail. He signed off on the log and looked at the dock.  
  
The sub was now quiet and subdued. He had never willfully disobeyed an order in his life. But there was no reason for Cathy to be an agent. No one knew he was going to be assigned to the Seaview, no one. Sure, they were doing a lot of classified government work, but no one knew that. And he met Cathy went he was at Pearl and the exec of the nuke boat Rickover, but he'd never dealt with any state secrets. There was no viable reason for them to recruit him, none. Damn the Admiral. I'm going to prove you wrong. No one prevents me from seeing the woman I love. He threw down his pencil down and headed to his quarters to get his gear and change out of his uniform.  
  
XXXXX  
  
He found Cathy sitting on his office couch reading a magazine, he shut the door quietly and walked over, and kissed the top of her blonde head. She wore jeans, deck shoes and a plaid blouse. He was dressed similarly only he wore a blue polo shirt.  
  
"Lee!" She jumped up and kissed him hard on the lips. "I didn't think you would ever come."  
  
I almost didn't, Lee thought.   
  
"I was busy with some reports for the Admiral, Cathy," he lied. "My gear is stowed in my car. Where's yours?"   
  
She went to the side of the couch and handed him a small green suitcase.  
  
"Good. Let's get the hell out of here."  
  
  
XXXXX  
  
They drove silently up the mountain. He had the top down on the convertible and she had put on a scarf and sunglasses. He liked the feel of the sun on his head as the wind whistled through the car. He kept on thinking of what the Admiral had said. Cathy's no damn spy. I'll bet my life on it.  
  
Frustrated he pulled into a restaurant parking lot. "Let's get something to eat and stretch our legs," he smiled.  
  
As they went in, he said he had to go to the bathroom when he really went to a pay phone. He leaned his head against the wood wall and closed his eyes after dialing the memorized number at the Institute. He held tightly to the handset and listened to the rings. The phone rang only to be picked up by Angie.   
  
"Nelson Institute. May I help you?"  
  
"Hello, is the Admiral there?" Lee asked frustrated at getting his secretary  
  
"I'm sorry Lee. He got called to an emergency meeting in D.C. Do you want to leave a message?"  
  
"Lee?"  
  
"No... I'll call back later." Lee slammed down the headset and made his way back to the table.  
  
They ate in silence. He played with his food not really hungry and kept looking at her. Not her. Not dear sweet Cathy. Cathy with her blue eyes, blonde hair and always with a smile, his sweet beautiful Cathy. The Admiral's wrong. He knew Cathy was a pure contrast to his tight emotions. He ran his hand through his black hair and tried to think of something, but couldn't. Damn it.  
  
"Ready?" Taking his wallet out of his jean pocket as he stood up.  
  
"Yes."  
  
He threw money on the table and they walked back to the car in silence.  
  
XXXX  
  
The short ride to the cabin was tense filled. She kept on looking at him, making him nervous. Is she plotting something? I'm letting my imagination get the best of me, Lee chided himself.  
  
Lee pulled up in front of the cabin. He quickly got out of the car and got their suitcases. She opened the door and he walked in. It was a small cozy cabin, two bedrooms, kitchen and bathroom, a love nest. He put Cathy's suitcase in one bedroom and his in another. He saw the confused look on her face but said nothing. He found the small cabin confining and suffocating, he needed some fresh air.  
  
"I'll. .I'll be right back the cabin's stuffy." Opening the door and headed to the front porch.  
  
He stood on the porch watching the sunset; everything he once knew was gone. The bright yellow gold colors and fresh pine scented air did nothing to calm him. He could no longer trust her or himself. Maybe the Admiral had been right. He shouldn't be seeing her but how could he not. She was his wife.  
  
"Lee?"   
  
Her smooth arms wrapped around his waist. He could feel her body; smell her perfume, shampoo and sweetness. Oh, God! He looked down at her left hand and saw the gold wedding band. They had been through so much to get it and now, now it was gone...  
  
"What's wrong? Are you all right? Did you and Admiral Nelson have another argument?" She laughed, her sweet titillating laugh.  
  
He shook his head, yes. Again a lie.  
  
"Well, don't worry. Let him calm down, he'll see things your way. He always does, you know."  
  
Yes, Cathy was right. The Admiral always seemed to see things my way.  
  
"Yes," He turned around and held her close hugging her until she gasped and then kissed her on her small freckled nose. "Yes, we did have an argument of sorts. But we'll work it out."  
  
"I don't know Lee. Maybe you and the Admiral have to have fights more often, I like!" she giggled.  
  
"So, let's work off dinner. I'm thinking of you as dessert." Grabbing her hand they made their way back into the cabin.  
  
  
XXXXXXX  
  
The day dawned brightly as the sun shown through the window. He hugged and snuggled close to Cathy. Last nights troubles were long forgotten, today was a new day. They showered together luxuriating in each other's bodies.  
  
Getting dressed together the day seemed even brighter. They were going into town and he found himself happier. The heavy weight had been lifted. He loved Cathy and that's all that mattered.  
  
They spent the whole day, looking at the quaint shops and admiring the beautiful mountain scenery. The blue skies and white fluffily clouds made the day seem even better. She playfully teased him about being a good fisherman and trying his luck on the lake.  
  
The day glided by as he continually hugged and kissed her to reassure himself she was still there. Finally relenting they went down to the dock and booked a boat with all the necessities including lunch. That done they walked around the small village and dreamed of setting up a house together. Putting down roots after being moved around so much.   
  
After asking the locals, they found a dark, secluded restaurant enjoying each other's company and playing footsie under the table. He could hardly contain himself, waiting to explore her body again.  
  
That night they enjoyed hours of pleasuring each other. Over and over again he reconfirmed his love to Cathy, her cries of ecstasy and gasps proved to him, she loved him and everything else was a lie. She surprised him with moves that brought him to heights of unknown pleasure, realizing he hadn't known her completely and welcomed her imaginative positions. Her intensity frightened him, never knowing she could reach these depths of pleasure.  
  
XXXXXX  
  
He felt a gentle tug on his shoulder as he opened one eye.  
  
"C'mon, darling. The fish aren't going to wait all day."  
  
Realizing the sun was now up and she was already to go, dressed in jeans, flannel shirt and deck shoes.  
  
"Five more minutes," he mumbled trying to find the energy, exhausted from the previous night.  
  
"All right, darling," she giggled. "Five more minutes."  
  
XXXXX  
  
The day was even brighter than yesterday as the got out from the car, Cathy hugged her canvas bag closer to her. They waved to the owner making their way to the boat. He and Cathy were dressed alike, to a point she had said something about them thinking alike.  
  
"Picked a good day to go out folks. Heard the fish are biting real good." He handed them a cooler and wicker hamper. "Everything you needs in the boat."  
  
"Are you sure everything is in here?" she asked nervously.  
  
"Oh yes, ma'am and then some."  
  
They climbed in the boat as the owner pushed them off the dock.  
  
  
XXXX  
  
They had spent most of the morning just tooling around the lake. Putting fishing lines in and not even getting a nibble. Late in the afternoon they decided to eat. He had just finished tying down the boat and went to the small clearing they had chosen for their picnic spot. The owner wasn't kidding. She had laid out a plaid blanket along with the wicker basket and cooler. He inhaled the clean, crisp mountain air. The Admiral was wrong, there's no way Cricket is a spy, and he reassured himself for the millionth time.  
  
She laid out sandwiches, potato salad and chips. They ate in silence, listening to the birds and the wind through the dark green pine trees. So full from lunch he had laid his head back into her lap as he looked at the blue sky through the trees. This was wonderful. I don't want it to ever end.  
  
"You know, Cathy. We have to do this more often. I've forgotten how wonderful it is being with you."  
  
"I think we better start thinking about leaving Lee." Her voice tinged with sadness. "It's getting late."  
  
He sat up looking at her and adjusted his polo shirt. "What's wrong, Cathy? You know we can do this again. I can talk to the Admiral. ." As he stared into her now unreadable blue eyes and sad face, a woman he didn't even know.  
  
"I'm afraid we can't Lee." She pulled a loaded .45 from her purse. "I'm sorry, Lee. I really am. But you were too perfect to pass up."  
  
NO! NO! Not Cathy.. It's a bad dream. "This is a joke right?" hoping to stop his heart from breaking. "The Admiral put you up to this." In his heart, knowing the admiral would never do something like this, his brain reaching for any explanation.  
  
But he could see she was serious and everything he once knew about her was a lie. "Why me? Can you tell me that?" His voice now quiet and sullen shocked by what he had heard.  
  
"Silly, boy. You've always been an independent person. Not even listening to your superiors. I'm sure Nelson told you all about me, but you still showed up." She seemed to be signaling to someone. "We heard someone had started asking questions about me. It was only a matter of time."  
  
He still had a chance; he lunged for her only to be met with darkness.  
  
CXXXXXXXX  
  
He woke up to a pounding headache and darkness. Trying to move he found he was bound and gagged. Stupid, Crane, he cursed. Real damn stupid. Cathy. Cathy. Get a grip, Crane. Face it she's an enemy agent. Think. Dammitt, think. I need to get out of here. He tried to find solace and get out of here, wherever here might be.  
  
He found a sharp edge of a chair leg and worked on his tight rope bindings. He broke free and untied his mouth and legs. He crawled to the door and opened it. All he saw was Cathy and one other man.   
  
"Crane will be out for awhile, Cathy. You did well. We will be rewarded for bringing in Crane. He is not Nelson, but he is close." A large man dressed in jeans, shirt and sneakers sat down on the couch next to Cathy.  
  
"Really, Ivan do you have to boast so." She replied downcast. "We do as we're told and you know it."  
  
He continued to stare at Cathy, his Cathy. Get a grip, Crane. He saw the door. Since there were only two of them he could do it. As he saw Cathy get up he made his move. Running head on he knocked over Ivan and headed out the door, finding it dark. He stumbled over his unused legs and got up and started to run deep in the forest. It was a clear night so he would be able to find his way. Just give me a ship and star to sail her by. The disjointed thought ran through his head as he realized how he had grossly underestimated Cathy.  
  
He found his breathing labored forgetting about the high altitude. His thoughts turned toward Cathy and her betrayal. He was perfect. Her words. Because I don't listen to orders. He pushed his way through the undergrowth continually looking at the North Star, something constant, or so he thought Cathy's love was. Looking up he didn't notice the trail ending as he slipped and rolled down a large hill. His body slammed him into trees knocking him unconscious.  
  
XXXXXX  
  
Lee opened his eyes and found himself staring into nothing but green. His whole body ached and he fumbled in his memory of what happened. Cathy. It was becoming easier to accept. He would find his way out of here. If I stay lost they have to give up, then someone else will find me. No Crane, you have to get to a main road, get the hell out of here. The bright sunshine only made him more depressed on what should have been a glorious weekend and was now a nightmare.   
  
He trudged out from the undergrowth determined to find away out. His stomach growled in protest, reminding him his last meal was with Cathy. Cathy. He thought he heard a branch snap but wasn't sure. I'm safe; they'll never find me, now. He walked into a small clearing. He saw a lone man with a blue backpack. He looked innocent. The man about thirty, stood his height and was dressed like a hiker. He would guide him out. He looked for other signs of people, knowing it was safe he went into the clearing.  
  
"Excuse me. Can you help me?" he tried to sound casual. "I've gotten turned around and thought you might show me the way to the main road."  
  
The man stood for just a second, he waved his hand and he found himself surrounded by not only the hiker but also Ivan and another man. All three held .45's to his head.   
  
"Move," Ivan growled but not before tying his hands together.  
  
  
This time they weren't so gentle with him. His hands were bound tighter now, almost cutting off the circulation from his wrists. Ivan and the other men pushed him through the forest making him almost fall and making walking difficult. Good. I can have that satisfaction they spent the whole night looking for me. He knew it would a small consolation but anything helped now.   
  
Finally back to the cabin, Ivan pushed him hard on the couch. He sat himself up as he watched Cathy watch him. Ivan's companion disappeared into the back of the cabin. She had a .45 pointed directly at his head. Ivan sat down in one chair as he ate, his stomach growled and Ivan laughed.  
  
"Oh, see Cathy. Your Captain maybe able to find his way in the ocean but not in the woods. He was a babe in the woods, get it Cathy. Oh, Captain Crane. You will like my country, especially for what you will do to help it."  
  
He sneered at Ivan. He would rather die than help the People's Republic.  
  
"Oh, the Captain does have feelings, Cathy. Like the ones he had for you perhaps. And we thought he would come willingly. I had thought you were that good."  
  
Lee looked down at the ground. His face turned red, with hate and anger. Cathy. Why, Cathy, why? His mind screamed.   
  
"Poor, Captain. I'm afraid no more ocean for you. Just a cold, dark cell perhaps. Not even female companionship. What a pity." Ivan had now come over to the couch. Ivan enjoyed his taunting now as he pushed Lee further and further.  
  
"Such a good Captain. Wasn't that what you told us, Cathy. He was well versed in the bedroom," Ivan patted his head.  
  
Lee couldn't stand it but kept his mouth shut. Cathy may have succeeded but you won't Ivan.  
  
"Ah, suddenly the Captain is speechless. And you said he was so talkative in bed. Yes, one of Cathy's specialties, men can never resist her. What a pity, Captain. You had thought you pursued her. Like I said our Cathy is very, good. Very good."  
  
Looking now at Cathy Lee felt revulsion and anger at himself for being so stupid. Thinking with his heart and not his head. How could he have been in love with her? Lee questioned again. How could he not, he answered. Cathy with a beautiful smile, gentle caress, playful laugh and sensuous kiss, how could he not love her?  
  
Ivan pushed him again.   
  
"GO TO HELL," he shouted, and spat at him only to be met with the butt of the .45 as Ivan slapped him hard in the mouth. He could taste the metallic blood in his mouth as he went down hard on the floor unable to stop himself.  
  
"Oh, Lee." Cathy rushed towards him and touched his bruised face.  
  
"Don't touch me," he gasped. " Don't ever touch me again." Her warm gentle touch burned his skin with revulsion.  
  
"My, my. Our poor dear Captain has fallen out in love with you. What a pity."  
  
He heard a car pull up. Maybe the other half of Ivan's team. But then he saw the look of surprise and confusion on their faces.  
  
"This is the ONI, you have exactly one minute to come out with your hands up. We have the cabin surrounded. We will start shooting. You have one minute."  
  
How? Why? Lee didn't even know where he was; how the hell would ONI know.  
  
"Ah, so they think they have us beat, Cathy. We have something they want"  
Ivan jerked him up from the floor, a moan escaping from his lips.  
  
"Go get Boris, Cathy. We won't go without a fight."  
  
  
She got Boris and the four of them headed out of the cabin door. Lee was in front, a human shield as they approached the large SUV. Lee looked around to see three dark sedans and at quick count six blue jump suited ONI agents.  
  
Ivan pushed Lee in front of him as Ivan started to fire. The loud bang and gunpowder smell brought him out of his mental fog. He feigned being hit and rolled on the ground. The weights of his body making his hands scream from being on them. He then sprinted for the safety of the sedans and forgot the pain. He became aware of gunfire and shouts all surrounding him but pushed forward. He heard a woman scream in pain, Cathy, and nearly froze but continued until he reached the ONI men.   
  
He fell to his knees, hearing nothing but birds singing and the wind rustling through the pine trees. Feeling a tingling in his hands, he realized his hands were untied. Using the sedan as a support he stood up. C'mon. Get a grip. Cathy's dead. Cathy's dead.  
  
Lee stared at the stone cold brown eyes of the ONI agent. He could see the stone cold face of the Admiral out of the corner of his eye. The Admiral dressed in street clothes looked like he had come for a picnic, not a massacre. Had the bastard come to gloat? Lee questioned.  
  
Recriminations and repercussions would come later after Lee filed his report; along with the debriefing he was sure to receive from the ONI or the Admiral. Either way his career was over.  
  
The agent opened the car door and helped Lee in. He continued to look forward afraid to look back at the carnage that was once his love.  
  
XXXXXX  
  
  
  
After he forced his way out of the hospital, Lee stared at the computer screen for the longest time. Lee amazed himself when he got home he went straight to the computer to type his preliminary report for the debriefing with the Admiral and ONI. He knew he should take a shower, maybe even shave, but it would mean that it really happened and wasn't some damn nightmare. He couldn't even go into the bedroom or the closet they shared. He could feel his wedding band and catch the glint of gold typing his report.  
  
The whole story from meeting Cathy at Pearl, marriage and to her dea . . .I can't even say it, he cursed silently to himself. Just one push of a button and it would be sent to both ONI and N.I.M.R. And then Cathy would be gone, forever. He pushed the button and waited until he received confirmation of acceptance. He turned off the computer and headed to his couch.   
  
He sat down and looked at the three bottles of scotch that now sat on his coffee table. He had bought them on the way down the mountain, the reassuring clink of glass made it easier to write the report. The tumbler waiting he grabbed it, but not before looking at his duffle. He still hadn't the energy to empty it. Usually efficient he found the idea, painful. His clothes still had her scent on them, her perfume, shampoo, everything that was her.  
  
He got back to the bottles he opened the first one and poured himself three fingers worth. He gulped it back feeling the burning liquid go down his throat. He was going to get drunk.  
  
On the third bottle of scotch he was still stone cold sober and the bright glaring sun had peaked through his sheer curtains. The ones Cathy had picked out to make the apartment brighter and cheerier. The events of the past five days played over and over again in his head. He knew he could have saved Cathy somehow. He had been in tighter situations. But, he had made a decision as soon as he found out the truth. Didn't somebody call him a cold-blooded bastard when it came to command decisions? Who was it? That's right is what Chip Morton. Good ole Chip. "Here's to you, Chip Morton. Where ever you are?" He raised his tumbler as his words slurred. His arm dropped to his side as the glass fell to the floor. He slid to the arm of the couch and fell into a tortured and fitful sleep. Unconscious tears flowed as he slept.  
  
XXXXXX  
  
Lee didn't need to look in the mirror, as he got ready. He already knew he looked horrible but ONI and the Admiral would have it covered. He knew that both the Institute and O.N.I. would have collaborated their stories. His uniform creases were razor sharp and his insignia and shoes shined so brightly he could see himself in them. He pulled a clean uniform out of the closet, refusing to look at the other side, afraid of all the bright clothes and remnants of the woman he once knew. He was dressed and ready to go, being notified of an upcoming mission of the Seaview. He grabbed his small duffle. He looked longingly at his other duffle from his weekend, still unwilling to touch it. Maybe after the cruise he might be able to.  
  
XXXXX  
  
"Captain Crane, sir. Uh, Welcome aboard," Kowalski stuttered.  
  
"Kowalski. Have all the men reported in?" Using his best command voice to hide his pain.  
  
"Um, yes sir. I'm sorry sir, about Cathy, I mean your wife's death, sir.. . Uh, the Admiral said he wanted you to report to his cabin the minute you arrived sir. Again, sir. I'm really sorry."  
  
"Thank you, Ski. Tell Mr. Morton to start making preparations to get underway."  
  
"Aye, aye, sir."  
  
That wasn't so hard. I can do this. Just act normal and everything will be fine, Lee kept on telling himself.  
  
Lee knocked on the door and went into the Admiral's cabin and stood at attention in front of his desk.  
  
"Admiral," Lee saluted.  
  
The Admiral looked up from his paperwork.  
  
"Lee."   
  
"I expect you'll debrief me regarding.. . regarding this weekend." C'mon Crane get a grip. You can do this.  
  
The Admiral relayed to him that Cathy was in a one-car accident. Her body burned beyond recognition. Her sudden death threw Lee and her family into shock. The funeral was a small, quiet family affair. End of story.  
  
Just like the ONI. Simple. Clean. Effective.  
  
"Then I'll expect you'll want to get underway. I'll maintain the cover story. Although I don't know how long I'll be aboard Seaview, sir. I'm sure ONI will be bringing disciplinary action against me or. . ."  
  
"Don't worry about that Lee. You belong aboard the Seaview. I also told them I didn't get the report about Cathy until you had left. I am sorry, Lee."  
  
What for saving my butt, for what? His mind screamed. A colorless lifeless life. "I guess thanks are in order then. If that's all?"  
  
He headed out of the cabin and had just grabbed the doorknob.  
  
"There is one more thing, Lee."  
  
"Yes," he turned around to see pain in the Admiral's face.  
  
"Before she died. . before Cathy died. She wanted to tell me she loved you and was sorry."  
  
Sorry. That she loved me? Or sorry she was selling me to the People's Republic, Lee broke slightly inside.  
  
"I'm surprised you believed her Admiral. She is..was after all an enemy agent and everything out of her mouth was a lie," his voiced tinged with anger as the door knob started to give way. "If that's all. I would like us to get underway."  
  
"Yes, Lee. I'm finished. Get us underway."  
  
XXXX  
Lee endured his crew's sympathy and condolences. He wondered if they would be so understanding if they knew the truth. Their fine upstanding Captain had been married to a Red Army agent willingly. He had been played a fool and pushed his hurt and anger deeper and deeper. The memories faded like a bad dream.  
  
He glanced up from the plotting table and saw Chip Morton report for his watch. Chip had a deep concerned look etched on his face.   
  
"Lee. How are you?" He asked his blue eyes showing the pain he couldn't or wouldn't reveal.   
  
"I'm fine, Chip. Fine. Just like the last time you asked me." Maybe if I keep telling myself I will believe it and my life will get back to normal.  
  
"Bullshit, Lee." His voice was only low enough so he could hear. "You look horrible. You have dark, black circles under your eyes and you haven't eaten or slept in 72 hours. You are not fine!"  
  
"Really, Chip. I tell you I'm fine." Glancing at the charts he saw the lines starting to blur.   
  
"Lee, the only thing holding you up right now is the damn plotting table. Either you hit the sack now or you'll force me to call the Admiral and the Doc." Chip's voice was serious as he placed his hand on his shoulder.  
  
Lee looked at his friend. Only Chip Morton could get away with a comment like that. And true to his word he would call the Admiral and the Doc.  
  
"All right, Chip. I'll hit the sack. But I want to be notified if anything happens."  
  
"Aye, Aye, sir."  
  
XXXXX  
  
Lee closed the door to his cabin and looked around. Nothing and everything had changed. His duffle was still next to his closet where he had left it two days ago. Looking at his bunk, he laughed, sleep would be useless, painful and depressing, he hadn't gotten any sleep at home and he'd doubt he'd get sleep here. He would definitely have to move again. His apartment was too full of Cathy's memories and their brief life together.  
  
He undid the top button of his shirt and removed his tie throwing it on the   
bunk. He watched as it slid to the floor. Any other time in his life he would pick it up, but right now, right now, it seemed a useless gesture.   
  
He would at least be comfortable. He stood at attention not sure what to do, he looked around his cabin and then he looked at his desk. Unfinished reports from days ago that needed to be done and returned to the Admiral. Yes, he would work on his reports.  
  
He pulled up his chair and grabbed a pencil. Lee concentrated on the reports to make him forget, anything to forget. He reached for a pen to sign his report and then he noticed it. Cathy's picture. He couldn't remember when he had taken it. He closed and opened his eyes hearing her scream again. The past year, life with her, all a bittersweet dream. I'm never going to get involved with anyone again, he vowed.  
  
Life with Cathy was now eons ago instead of the short week that had just happened. He grabbed it ready to smash it against the bulkhead, but couldn't.   
He brought the frame closer to his face as he ran his finger over the glass. "Why, Cathy, Why?" he whispered. Looking at her bright, smiling face.  
  
He crossed his arms on the desk and laid his head on them his hand still holding tightly to her picture. He cried silent tears and fell asleep.  
  
XXXXXX  
  
Chip Morton knocked softly on Lee's door and got no answer. Concerned he opened the door to find him asleep on his desk. The bunk would have been better but he would settle for this. He noticed the tie on the floor. Something the Lee Crane he knew would never tolerate. He had never seen Lee like this and he had known him a long time. Something was missing, with no funeral for Cathy and Lee acting strangely. The Admiral would know something.  
  
XXXXX  
  
The watch had been uneventful and Chip noticed the Admiral sitting at the table on the observation area. The Admiral seemed distracted and drank his coffee silently. Walking over he braced himself, he had seen the Admiral in many moods and wasn't sure how he would react to his questions.  
  
"Sir. Permission to speak freely." He looked down at the weary face. Chip noticed the dark circles and drawn face of his superior.  
  
"Yes, Chip. Take a seat."  
  
He did and looked at the Admiral. "Something's missing, sir. I mean with Cathy's death, no funeral and Lee. That man in there is more than a grieving husband. Hell, Admiral, his wedding band is gone. What Cathy's been gone less than a week and already he's gotten rid of her. He's wearing the family ring again. The Lee Crane in his cabin right now is not the Lee Crane he was five days ago. What happened, Admiral?"  
  
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes. The Admiral opened his mouth a few times before speaking.   
  
"Chip. Both Lee and I have been through a traumatic experience, more so for Lee. Right now, just give Lee a wide berth and plenty of time. If he wants to work three or four watches let him. And when he's ready let him talk. I think things might be tense between Lee and me for a while but Lee will understand. Does that answer your question?"  
  
"Not exactly, sir, but I think that's all I'll get now. And don't worry, sir, Lee is surrounded by friends who'll see him through this." Chip got up and headed back to the control room. Knowing when the time was right, Lee would tell him the whole story. 


End file.
